Used

I'm being used, and I hate it. What I hate more is that I'm sure enough that I actually am able to confront the problem like I want to. If only I had the courage to cut through the bullshit red tape that strangles relationships. I like to fancy myself as someone who can read people easily, but I have been out of my element here in Japan (likely due to cultural differences), if even I had a element to begin with.

In any case, it is no secret that Okayama-sensei likes my supervisor. However, whether he likes her not remains to be a mystery. "And, what is the problem?" you ask. The problem is that she is getting chummy with me specifically to get closer to him. I really should not be complaining, because now she invites me up for strawberry JELL-O, to go to plays, and really wants me to join her Home Ec class. I love food, so I can't turn that down.

Yes, the problem isn't evident. But let me explain last weekend:

Last weekend (which will be elaborated on further in the next post) was the weekend of the play that Okayama-sensei invited me to. Bill was also going, so I ask him to make sure I don't forget to ask for directions before I leave work. Instead, he comes by and says that we'll just meet here in Togi because he has to work anyways, and he'll drive me it to the play. I hate driving the road towards Nakajima, so I'm quite glad of this turn of events.

However, Saturday rolls around, and he finds out that he has to go to Tokyo to accompany a student at a speech contest. Matsuura-sensei, who was supposed to be with her, had to return home because he is a priest, as well as a teacher, and someone had died. So, I'm given directions (which were very bad, I might add), and bid good luck.

I was twenty minutes late after driving the same stretch of road nearly forty hundred times. The frustrating part was that the theater was only a few blocks away from where I was! Thank god the conbini where I asked for directions at was not closed.

The play was funny, but I only understood a little of it. I wish I could better understand polite forms. In any case, I had to leave very quickly because I was illegally parked, so I think Okayama-sensei is doubtful that I even went. I tried to drop enough names so that she could know that I did see it. Whether that was sucessful or not, I'm not sure.

Where is the drama, aside from the play, then? She comes down specifically to tell me it was a date with Bill. At first I thought she was insinuating that it was supposed to be a date for him and me, which makes me say no a few times. Then I realize what she is talking about, and tell her how sorry I am. "Shikatta ga nai" (it can't be helped) she said, although the tone of her voice indicated that clearly that she felt the opposite.

This is where I feel particularly used. If this was truely a date with Bill, then why would he take me in his car, and fail to mention to me that it was a date with Okayama? Furthermore, if he took me, I would naturally assume I would get to sit next to him and hang out. That would make a date fairly awkward, now, wouldn't it? And there I would be, sitting like Shusaka Endo's Obakasan, completely unaware of it the damper I put on the evening.

It is the most bizarre feeling, being used by one to get closer to the other, and being used by that self same other to put up a barrier against the one. I'm pissed off enough that I decided to not talk to either of them, like a child. However, so far, the plan has not suceeded.