Supermarkets

Grocery shopping is not a pleasant experience in Japan. The supermarkets are dark, insidious dens that harbor the most diabolically evil music ever known to man.

If I choose to go to Rocky (the Wal-mar equivalent), I followed by this horrible midi playing its music over and over like a top 40 hit. Then, if I decide that I need meat, I am assaulted by a cheerful melody about said meat. Over, and over, and over. I have a list of things that shouldn't be sung about, and I've kept it updated over the years:

1. Jesse's Girl
2. Meat
3. The Summer of 69
4. Camp Town Races
5. Breathing

I should probably distribute this list just so things know where they stand.

So, to avoid Rocky's attempt at musical genius, I go to Dontaku. Unfortunately, it has its own theme song it likes to play. It is not background music that can be ignored with enough focus like Rocky. No, indeed, it is not. It is the word Dontaku, repeated operatically. However, I can put it as poetically as my friend Rob does, so I shall quote to you his words:

"Jesus, it makes my brain implode after about 5 minutes, and they know FULL WELL I'm going to have to walk around their aisles for at least 30. Bah."

But the absolute worst (and best) is the bad eighties songs at A-COOP and ASK, done in karaoke midi format. Classics like "Do You Really Want to Hurt Me?" and "Cars" played in the most random assortment that it makes me laugh. I have heard strange ones too. If you think "Anarchy in the UK" has no melody, try listening to it without the distortion of punk. The strangest one I've heard, however, is a song from a little known musical called "Hedwig and the Angry Inch." It took me until the end of the song to place it, and when I did, I guffawed right at the cash register.

Needless to say, that did not endear me to the cashier who thought it was weird serving a foreigner in the first place.