Diarrhea

I'm sitting at home, watching The Daily Show, as is my habit for dinner, when I get a message on my cellphone from Beth. This surprises me for two reasons: 1. I hate my cellphone, so most people only use it to contact me in times of need. 2. Beth never messages me... ever.

The message is as follows:

I'm sitting across from diarrhea boy on the train.

Chances are, you are just as confused as I am. I rack my brains for a moment, and then remember her husband and my favorite contestant in the Speech Competition we had to judge. His speech went a little something like this:

DIARRHEA (snickers from me and James) is the worlds greatest killer
(snickering subsides as we judges realize that he's serious). We must stop
DIARRHEA! (surpressed snickers)

It is a serious issue, and I feel bad enough already for laughing at him before he even got the second word in his speech, so let's not dwell on that.

I messsage her back, telling her that she ought to talk to him about it. Ten minutes later, my cellphone vibrates, proclaiming a new message:

I would, but it looks like he's trying to hold it in. (poop emoticon and restroom emoticon)

Welcome to the Surreal

Kojima-sensei is bothering me again. He told me that his grandfather was a samurai, I think, but was in Hawaii, so he was not a samurai. Confused? Yeah, me too.

In any case, Fujita to the rescue says, "my grandfather fought in World War II".

Then I realized.... Our two families, only one generation removed, were fighting over the Pacific Ocean.

Thankfully, Kojima shut up long enough for me to ponder this.

Graduation Part 1

I hate it when I hate something so deeply that I know it must stand for deeper, psychological problem.

What is it that I hate? I hate graduation. I hate it. I find it uncomfortable, and boring, in addition to the collassal waste of time it is to listen to people spout useless advice that even they did not take.

Japanese graduation is a solemn affair (there are no cheers of congratulations, or wild applause of parents), that takes place in the cold gym in the beginning of Spring. It is symbolic, and all speeches are about the Spring of youth, leaving that horrible snow cloud of mortality hoover implicitly over them.

Today, Tetsuya became more of a man. For twenty minutes, he stood before the students who both loved and adored them, spewed cliched things about Spring that he truly meant, and made an effort to hold back tears long enough for him to finish his speech. I smiled at him everytime he looked in my direction, which now that I reflect upon it, probably flustered him more than it helped.


Generally, when people cry at ceremonies, I think they are doing it because they think it's what they ought to do. However, when it came to my students, I honestly believed it. This is not an American school, where one has classes with in excess of 400 students before High school is over, they are a tightly knit group that have been together since they were 14 or younger.

My graudation message, therefore, meant nothing to them. I spoke about the future at great lengths because I thought that was expected of me, but this is what I really wish I had said.

You have probably woken this morning with a feeling that both saddens and enlivens you. The knowledge that today, your life has finally changed must be in your hearts today. Your lives have changed, but not fundamentally. Look around you. Today, you are still with your fellow classmates. Yesterday, you may have been with a few of them, but not all. The day before, you may have slept in, watched television, and saw no one.

But please, do not misunderstand me. Today is different. It is different than yesterday, but no more so than yesterday was different than the day before that. Life changes, in little, subtle ways. We only think this is a big thing because we discovered that this small thing has changed for all of us at the same time.

This is not the first day of your new life. That was the day you were born. However, everyday is the first day in the long progress that will be your life, and everyday something will change, whether you notice it or not, and you must move
on and accept or deny what comes. Today is just like any other day. Make that decision as you always have.

I know that many of you are sad. You are saying goodbye to dear friends and a
way of life that you had become comfortable with, but know this, if today did
not happen, you would not be continuing the rest of your life. You would be surrendering yourself to death long before it is time.

Rejoice in this change, even if you wish that somethings could stay the same, and leave this hall happily.

I say this because I watched my favorite student walk out of the gym in such quiet desolation that it near broke my heart. I have faith in Shota though. If anyone understands the value of change, it is him.

The End of Things to Come

Today, Fujita showed me the new yearbook for my graduating seniors.

I've always prided myself on being the sort of person who can let go of anything, but now... well, I find it more than difficult to do so. I simply don't want to.

However, my feelings on the matter are immaterial.

The end is coming for the teachers as well as the students, and I'm not sure if everyone is aware of it at all. The way Japanese schools are, likely half of our teachers will transfer, and the Togi Senior High that I've come to love will be gone, vanished as surely, and as eagerly my third-year's moved on to their adult lives. I gave my students all sorts of lectures on moving on, and the different ways that people deal with graduating and growing up. I am a hypocrit.

The photos in the book are, for lack of a less cliched word, bittersweet. In the class photos, Shota is the only boy who bothers to smile. Meccho, Misa, Yuka and Hayaka join him. On the next page is the Student Council, all of them looking silly with Tetsuya in the middle, staring straight ahead with the serious face of a politician. His hair was shorter then it is now, and realize that I never knew him then. Fujii's face is as square as ever in the Basketball clubs photo, and Kyousuke is looking into the lens like a model with unwitting seduction. The Music Club, a band consisting of three clarinets, a bass clarinet, a tuba, and percussion are holding up their instruments in mock excitement. Fujita looks like he's the only one enjoying himself. On another page, stands Bill in front of a chalkboard holding a book open with his right hand, a piece of chalk in his left, and doing his usually overly enthused smile while trying to do a peace sign.

Today, I asked Okada that when she leaves if we could still be friends. She laughed, but she did not answer.

It Is Imagined

Apparently, my car isn't broken.

Three weeks of horrifying sounds I suffered, I finally take it in and I'm asked "why the hell did you take it in the first place?"

The noises have stopped...

Japan is indeed a mystfying place.

Japan at Random

Well, I was lazy and decided not to write about some pretty big events, so enjoy the compilation.

1. Nara and Kyoto

Last weekend I went with Shan and Perry to Nara to meet up with my old friend from college, Kristi, and hung out with some deer in the snow. I left my memory card at home like an idiot, so I don't have any pictures, however, my actual memory has some pretty vivid images that I'll likely not forget.

It was snowing frenetically, dancing about the tall structures of the temple and in front of the Daibutsu. The deer, hungry and exhausted from the cold, assailed us for sustenance, which we gave warily.

Now there's a face everyone want to take home to their mother...

I keep telling myself that it's good my camera didn't work because now I have memories that no one else can share in, on a special day. Not many tourists get to see Nara in the snow, and especially not in the sort of day long storm we encountered it in.

Word to the wise: Everyone warns of how pushy the Nara deer are, and it is not a joke. However, I think you have to go to experience it. We watched a woman with a MacDonald's bag in her hand running on her high heels through the park with a herd of deer trailing behind her. We wanted to help, but we could think of nothing aside from putting ourselves in the same situation so we let be eaten alive on the pavement. Naw, I kid... Turns out if you run long enough, the deer give up.

2. Broken Car

I'm not sure what's wrong with it. I think it's likely that my bad driving has killed my car, although I am more inclined to believe that it is a conspiracy so complex profound that I cannot even begin to fathom the depths of it. Why my car?

Bill smirked and said "I told you not to buy an old car." His triumph is short-lived when I tell him that he has to take care of it. Most Japanese words for the car are in katakana so I don't suspect the vocabulary is too difficult (i,e blinker is winkaa, clutch is kurachi), but I'm thinking that perhaps the idler arm is not one of those. Bill doesn't seem to think so at least, but he doesn't strike me as the knowledgable type when it comes to cars. Not that I am, naturally, but I've been forced to listen to Car Talk on NPR for nearly all my life every Saturday because of my Dad. That does lead to some theoretical knowledge. Of course, me thinking that it's the idler arm has nothing to do with Car Talk, but instead what my Dad suspects. But, I like to pretend like I know what I'm talking about. That is, right up until that fateful moment when someone actually believes and me probes further and I flounder about as I make something up.


3. Japanese Lessons

I am officially taking Japanese lessons now, and my first lesson didn't bode well... It's my fault really. I should be at the level of class I'm taking, but I never studied Japanese in College, in light of the fact that I was a Political Science major, so now I find myself looking at things I know I should remember and wondering at what they are.

Nevertheless, I've been studying (and somewhat enjoying it), but I am worried about my next class. The teacher's switch every week, and my friend Rachel won't be going to class so it will just be me, alone, with the notoriously strict teacher. Eep! I'm working very hard to let her know that I can do it! But... dekiru kana... (I wonder if I can do it...)

I've been accosting my poor co-workers left and right, asking if my sentences using my new grammar points are right. Yosh, Ali! You can beat Rachel!

Why do I want to beat Rachel? Because she was so damn cocky the first class (it was her second). She had a whole week to study what we were doing, and I was trying to figure it out while they were talking about it. And not only that, she had Davin's old book with all of his notes and English translations. That is something that one shouldn't be cocky about... In addition to that, while I was filling out my form to take the class, she got to read the passage we were going to discuss for ten minutes. I, on the other hand, had two seconds before the teacher started to pepper me with questions.

Fukohe! (Unfair)

I'm trying not to complain, because what is done is done, but I find that venting my frustration is best. Well, that, and kicking ass next time. Ali... you are so freaking uncharitable...

Alison Danger Baumgartner

I have a terrible habit of just sitting around my house on my days-off, so I decided at about one o'clock, after fruitlessly trying to get a hold of a few friends back in the States, to wander north. So, I saddled up my 1996 Toyota Corsa and turned down a perfectly safe, wide road following the signs that lead to Seikinohana. The road quickly turned into a winding path through parts of Togi that looked as if they were from the 1930s. I could find no places to pull over to take pictures, so that description shall have to suffice. The signs said that Seikinohana was only 11 km away, so I expected to be there in under 15 minutes. Unfortunately, at the Speed-Racer-like 30 km an hour the journey took much, much longer. As always, this is the problem with Japan. You may only be 1 km away from something, but the twisting geography makes it a full 4 km.

I began to become worried after thirty minutes, wondering if I were going in the correct direction. However, narrow roads being as they are, I could find no places to turn around, so I continued. But then! A sign! I had found it! But underneath that sign that wearily points in the direction I should go, is a rope with another sign that says I cannot enter. However, I didn't come there just to be turned away. I needed exercise! I needed natural beauty! My apartment has no windows that I can open (the hazards of living on the ground level only one foot off of the main road), so I needed a good stare at something beautiful.

So, I parked at an abandoned bus stop and snuck under the roped lines in between me and the scenery. The building that clearly sold omiyage (souvenirs) at one point was abandoned, with plastic models of food littered about the place, and some disturbingly old looking boxes of Camembert cheese. It looked as if a mass exodus had happened in under a few minutes and nothing important came with.

I walk around the building and realize then why the signs are up. The building is fall off of the cliff. I know I shouldn't have, but I explored further. Off to the right, I found an abandoned shrine (my pictures of it were out of focus) with its contents strewn about the place and the screen doors sideways. One supporting column lay on its side at the bottom of the stairs. I continued down this path and found that the asphalt abruptly stopped and there nothing but sheer cliff and tree roots sticking haphazardly out. Prudently, I turned back.

An abandoned food vender.

The other way proved just as daunting, but well worth the trip. Seikinohana, it turns out, is a rare sandstone formation. Unfortunately, with only my zoom lens, it was difficult for me to get any good pictures, but these were among the best:

Honestly, the whole experience was quite horrifying, yet inexplicably profound. I found myself just staring at places paths had once been, mesmorized by the transience of everything, and yet terrified of it.

When I could take no more, I ran back to my car and returned home.

The next day, I'm told that Seikinohana is famous for suicides. "Go up to the top of the hill," Fujii said, "and you will feel like someone is pushing your back." I went to that hill, and I still remember how scared I was. I thought, and still think, it was because I knew the land I was standing on was not sturdy, and the bridges likely to fall at any time. But now, I'm wondering if that truly were it.

Japan's Unappreciation

I may not be a real teacher, no matter how much Bill tries to tell me I am (but I suspect it's because he wants to stop taking responsibility for my actions), but I know that teacher's are unappreciated.

The biggest hint: when the students leave, they turn off the heat in the building. We've had half-days this week, so the students return home to study while the teachers remain to "work". It's not so bad... the first hour.

The Tough Road Ahead

I've just been informed that I will only have 16 students for the International Course next year, but I will unfortunately have 30 students for 1-1. This means I will only have 16 people that actually want to study English next year, and therefore only one class, but I will have two classes of 1-1 to torture me horribly.

I hear next yearis the worst disciplined class to ever come into Togi. I wonder if they are exaggerating or not.

Supermarkets

Grocery shopping is not a pleasant experience in Japan. The supermarkets are dark, insidious dens that harbor the most diabolically evil music ever known to man.

If I choose to go to Rocky (the Wal-mar equivalent), I followed by this horrible midi playing its music over and over like a top 40 hit. Then, if I decide that I need meat, I am assaulted by a cheerful melody about said meat. Over, and over, and over. I have a list of things that shouldn't be sung about, and I've kept it updated over the years:

1. Jesse's Girl
2. Meat
3. The Summer of 69
4. Camp Town Races
5. Breathing

I should probably distribute this list just so things know where they stand.

So, to avoid Rocky's attempt at musical genius, I go to Dontaku. Unfortunately, it has its own theme song it likes to play. It is not background music that can be ignored with enough focus like Rocky. No, indeed, it is not. It is the word Dontaku, repeated operatically. However, I can put it as poetically as my friend Rob does, so I shall quote to you his words:

"Jesus, it makes my brain implode after about 5 minutes, and they know FULL WELL I'm going to have to walk around their aisles for at least 30. Bah."

But the absolute worst (and best) is the bad eighties songs at A-COOP and ASK, done in karaoke midi format. Classics like "Do You Really Want to Hurt Me?" and "Cars" played in the most random assortment that it makes me laugh. I have heard strange ones too. If you think "Anarchy in the UK" has no melody, try listening to it without the distortion of punk. The strangest one I've heard, however, is a song from a little known musical called "Hedwig and the Angry Inch." It took me until the end of the song to place it, and when I did, I guffawed right at the cash register.

Needless to say, that did not endear me to the cashier who thought it was weird serving a foreigner in the first place.

The Earthquake

4.6 Magnitude! I survived, but my dishes were not so lucky.

On the Matter of Curse Words

It's not secret that I teach Shota bad words on my free time as a sort of carrot to encourage him to learn English. In return, he teaches be bad Japanese words. But, we have a unspoken promise that we won't repeat any of the words to other teachers, and indeed we have not (for the most part).

But, I have been very careful about teaching bad words to any of my other students who lack Shota's discretion, and love a secret relationship.

That is, until today. Droves of children saying shit, and all because of a quick misunderstanding!

Today, I had a Pronunciation War, where in which I face students off in an epic battle of saying words correctly. This is mostly because katakana English is barely English, and I want them to understand that saying in English words in katakana (Japanese alphabet, and subsequently pronunciation) is impossible to understand. Shirt becomes Shattsu, and scarf become mufura (muffler, which is the wrong word for the thing anyways).

So, I write "shirt" on the board.

Ryuutarou says "shattsu", and cute little Misaki, flushed with embarassment, says "shit."

I'm so surprised that they know Misaki said something bad, and they are desperate to know. I don't tell them, until Kyousuke, little Kyousuke (who is in fact pretty tall), translates "k'so." K'so is, of course, the Japanese word for shit. Great.

Ryuutarou said it in a class repeatedly, and I can't find it in me to stop him because he's using it in all the right places. Plus, that boy is on a wire when it comes to English in the first place, and I don't really want to push him off.

So, contrary to what everyone thinks, I did not make my students into potty mouths. My students did it to themselves.

The Kids (cont.)

Class with 1-1 has been a painful experience from the get-go, so I will save them for last, as I can hardly remember their names.

2-2

My second year class only five students, and exceptionally small number for a class, even for Togi Highschool (although I sometimes attend a home ec class with only four students). There are four girls, and one boy, and most of them took the class because they knew that it would be an easy 30% (the passing grade in Japan).

I shall start with Miharu, my favorite in the class. In comparison to the others, I only consider her English to be the best because she tries the hardest, and she has an impeccable vocabulary. When I speak to her, it is only because she doubts herself, that she doesn't understand. Miharu is very pretty, but not popular (she is not unpopular either), and she lives in a takoyaki (octopus balls) restaurant. I have yet to visit it, although I desperately want to. I plan to embarass her completely on the occasion.

Her dream is to work with a foreign company, and I think she will once she learns how to pronounce words. She is the type to work so hard on something that she over corrects, and her pronunciation is the perfect metaphor for that. The vowels are always over exaggerated, and the the fricatives sound she's conjuring spitballs up to her teeth.

Next to Miharu is dear, shy Mike, who I dismissed as the too-cool-for-school girl a little to readily. She is dating Keisuke, a very popular boy, but it is being kept as a secret. When I mentioned it in the middle of 2-2 home, Fujii looked at me with that sort of wide-eyed expression that told me to keep it quiet. Later on, I find out that Mikei was a victim of ijime (bullying, and, in her case, through indifference), and suddenly all things fall into place. This, coupled with the fact that her father is incredibly strict and unforgiving to his girl's mediocre grades, makes Mikei incredibly withdrawn and afraid to speak up. Her sister, Anna, is the last remaining bad girl in 3-2, and the only one to not drop out. Everyday, Anna becomes increasingly unpleasant. If I spoke Japanese, I would be more comforting to dear Mike, who's home (single parent, which usually brands a child as a pariah in Japan) and school environment are not good. All I can do is try to make her happy at least in my class. Yesterday, she came to school with her hair blackened, and not the brown, presumbly rebellious color before. I said I liked it, and she just shook her head and said she hated it. Keisuke kept his mouth shut.

Keisuke, is also in my class. He does seem to like Mikei quite a bit, although she does seem far too smart for him. I often say that Keisuke has deer-in-headlights syndrome everytime I talk to him, but miracle of miracle, he's come back from Australia with amazing listening abilities! He now understands everything I say! He still can't speak for the life of him, but he understands! Whenenver I ask him how he is, the asnwer is invariably "hungry". He reminds me of my brother in highschool in that respect; thin, wiry, athletic, and eating all of the time.

The right side of the class is Remi and Miho, who are basically the same person. I tease them and call them either Mimi, or Reho. Whenever I ask what they did over the weekend, one will answer and the other just nods and says "the same, the same." So, I tease them.

Remi is a smart girl, but lazy. When I first came to Togi, Etienne left me a note that said that 2-2 was a class filled with students who "hate English only a little less than they hate math" and a girl who "is talented, but to lazy to bother", and I am always trying to figure out who this girl is. At first, I thought it was Miharu, because she was the only one mentioned in the note ("Miharu really is great, though") but now I've come to realize it is Remi. She wants to be on an international hotel's staff, where she will speak English. I try not to sneer at other people's dream, but it seems so low key for some one who can do more. My respect for her is becoming less and less the more I learn about her.

In Australia, she accused her host mother of stealing money from her. However, as the woman has had many many exchange students, and had never been accused of stealing before, I'm more inclined to believe her. Remi lied about not shopping on a day she did, and I think on that day she may have spent more than she realized. I don't think she is being malicious, but is simply believing only the truth that she sees as self-evident. Clearly, she didn't make any mistakes. I need to get her to learn how to step back and be responsible as opposed to being such a drama queen. The host mother is now suing our school for defamation of character.

I assume Remi is popular, even though I find her hair style dorky and unattractive. She is the baseball team's manager with Miho, and that usually lends one a little fame.

Miho has beautifully long hair, which she uses to hide the fact that she is sleeping. I, of course, don't let her get away with this. Her English has steadily gotten worse as time has gone by, and I wonder at how to push her. Even Australia has not improved her. She and I will have a talk if this keeps up. I do not envy her at all, since I am a strict teacher.

She is the student I know the least about, mostly because that's what she wants. See how she succeeds.

Of 2-2 home, I hope that all of them will take my class next semester, but I fear that there will only be three in it, if I'm lucky. 2-2 home is full of shy people, and my brash personality makes them feel too awkward. Ganbare! 2-2 home! Take oral class and actually learn how to speak, not just read and write!

Listening to: David Bowie Song by the Flight of the Conchords
Eating: vegetable stirfry without rice. I hate diets.
Class was: sad. I'll no longer teach 3-2 in one month's time!

Help Me! Help Me! Please Repeat After Me!

Ryuutarou was, for lack of a better description, simply Ryuutarou yesterday. My friend Kaity was visiting me, so I jumped on the oppurtunity to have them listen to another English speaker. So, I had them stand up and say something interesting about themselves. If it wasn't interesting, such as "I like pizza" we asked them questions about it.

Ryuutarou is last, which is pretty typical, and he stands up only to say "I am Ryuutarou. My house I have many snowmans." (I would do well to note how immensely proud I am that he said something even this grammatically correct.)

Kaity and I look at each other in surprise, knowing full well that it has not snowed in Togi yet. I point out the window and say that it's warm, and I don't see snow. Ryuutarou, with only that small sentence, is already on English overload and feels like he's being made fun of. So, he does what any well, self-adjusted student would do, he starts to read the classroom English signs after repeating "Help me! HELP ME!" many times. "Help me! Can I got to the Nurse's Office. Repeat after me!" Laughing hysterically, I pull the signs down and tell him to sit down.

Takahiro, in the back, said, "sorry, sorry, you're stupid." I had to give up on the last five minutes of class after that.

The Kids (cont)

These last two weeks have been irritatedingly disjointed, with my third-years taking tests, my second-years in Australia, and only me and one other English teacher trying to teach all of the English classes when there are usually five of us! Thus, I don't have any fresh impressions to give my about my students. However, I do know my 3-2 Oral class very well, so I shouldn't have a problem describing them.

3-2オ

Tetsuya is my best student, and has achieved the level that all of the other students should after six years of English education. Actually, to be fair, he has surpassed it, so it's unfair of me to compare my other students to him. He is excellent at understanding, and he has a natural talent for grammar. It's amazing watching him talk, because you can see him really thinking about what he wants to say, yet he never pauses for a second to try and figure out how to say it. He thinks in the moment, and knows that if used the wrong form to express himself, he can change the form on the fly. He does it so effortlessly!

Tetsuya is also, aside from Meccho, the most popular kid in school. After all, he was the Baseball Club captain, and a student council member (the highest positions in the social heirarchy). I find this strange since he's not particularly handsome. His leathered face is old looking, and he has peculiar, smiling wrinkles, like he had spent his entire youth in the sun. He is probably the least vain of my all my boys, but I still catch him walking into the background to check the volume of his spiky hair. He will go to Kansai DaiGai in Osaka, and insists that he wants to learn eleven languages, Spanish being his top priority.

Next Tetsuya is the other boy in my class, and one of my absolute favorite people, Shota. His English is what it should be for a lazy, but attentive boy. He never studies, but has a knack for all things school-related. He wants to be a musician, a guitarist in particular, which is a dream that his little brother, Naoyuki, also shares. I shall miss those two the most, I think, when I leave. Shota comes after school to talk about music with me, although I'm depressed that he doesn't like Muse that much. True, I didn't give him their best CD, but I thought it would impress him a little. Next, I'm going to see how he feels about The Strokes or Franz Ferdinand (the bands who are a lot closer to my heart than Muse is).

Shota is the master of communication translation. He may not be able to use words to express himself like Tetsuya, and he may not understand everything you say, but he senses the emotions of the speaker, puts it together with the words he knows, and their gestures, and then understands what they said. However, if you were to ask him to translate, he would be unable to explain but would insist that he understood exactly what you said. I have to be careful with him, though, because he laughes when he senses I told him a joke, even though he doesn't always get it.

I found out that he talks to all the teachers after school, and that he is Bill's favorite student too. When I asked why this was, Bill simply said "because he doesn't mind saying things are bullshit. That's why none of the other kids like him." I was so surprised to find out that Shota was so unpopular! In America, his personality, and his style, would instantly shoot him into school celebrity status.

The girls are the most fun loving in 3-2 home. Meccho is the most popular girl in school, and is dating a boy from 2-1, but I am to keep that a secret. I love her, because she grins mischieviously and says "secret, secret" while pressing her fingers to her lips. She's always late, but I think it's because she likes it when I scold her for it, and it gives her a great reason to give me guff when I'm late. Meccho's English isn't the greatest, but she is the master of gestures. It's entertaining, really, what she comes up with to get her point across, when all she had to do was pay a little more attention to vocabulary.

Meccho wants to be a wedding planner when she grows up, because it makes people happy. I wanted to say "Oh really, people are happy to be married?" jokingly, but I did not want to confuse the poor girl. She wants to marry her current boyfriend and have two girls and one boy, but insists that she never wants go back to the country. I agree, she was meant for the city, Meccho is.

Next to Meccho is Misa, the dumbest, sweetest, and dirtiest girl in school. The things she comes up with in regards to sex is always funny, but a little embarassing, seeing as I am supposed to be her teacher. Misa speaks about two words in English, and one of those words is always "yes" which she always uses when I talk to her. I think it's how she stops me from talking to her further. Her family owns the Shell station next to the school, and I'm always their patron.

Ahead of Meccho is Yuki, who is hard-headed, incredibly smart, and supremely lazy. So lazy that she failed my Reading test, a test that even Misa passed! Yargh. Yuki wants to be a baker, and is apparently very good at it. Last year, she won the prefectural baking contest, which makes her the pride of the school (along with Hayaka, who won a National Speech Contest). Bill says this is because Togi never wins anything. Yuki is somewhat jaded, and Etienne tells me this is because she went to Australian and found out what real boys were like, and she has become dillusioned about Japan. He did not expound further, and I felt it inappropriate to ask.

On the right side of the class room, in the front row, is pretty little Yuka, who is insecure about herself that it actually hinders what should come naturally to her. Her father is an English teacher, so she has a lot of expectations to meet, and she's doing ok by them, I think. Unfortunately, with people like Tetsuya and Megumi (who are inordinately good), it makes her so nervous that she'll make a mistake that she inevitably does. She failed two of her entrance exams, which confuses her because she knows that she's smarter than the other students. I wonder if it's because that she thinks just enough outside of the box that she overthinks what's inside of it.

Next to Yuka is Naomi, my little hair stylist. She will go to Kanazawa next year to learn how to arrange hair. I asked her if she would learn how to cut hair, and she shook her head with a horrified expression. "No!" She wants to live in the city, and wants to get married at 30 when she'll have children. One boy, and one girl. She's a smart girl, but English is not her priority, which is a shame, because she could become fluent with just a few more years. I hope she does not forget everything she so painstakingly learned as she starts her new life.

Behind Naomi sits Megumi, who is such a strong willed girl with such a pitiable life that I love her unconditionally, even though our interests don't align in any meaningful way. She was in a car accident as a child, and therefore has to go to the hospital a lot for surgeries. Also, she is the youngest of a Buddhist temple family, and must inherit it now because all of her elder siblings choose not to take on the family tradition. Now, she must go to Kyoto and study Buddhism. She can study English too, but it's impossible for her to double major. In the future, she hopes to work with an NGO or IGO, and help the other people in the world. I love her for this too.

What is the most endearing about Megumi is her hand gestures. When I have class debates, she is always the most vocal, and she moves her hands back and forth like a rapper calling another rapper out. And every now and then, I catch her head jutting forward to emphasize her point. I find myself wanting to have more debates just to watch her get gangsta on me again.

And last, but not least, is Hayaka. Her favorite class is Japanese, and took my class only because she's lazy and has a knack for languages. She's a little upset with me because I gave her a bad grade on her last speech, which is her forte. But, in my defense, it was too short, and she read it from a paper. Also, the speech was a little hard to follow.

Hayaka is a tall, leggy girl, who feels lucky that she's so tall, yet is always hunching like her height is excessive. She's only 5'6.

I have so much more to say about this class because I have them three times a week. However, for your sake, and my wrists (which risks carpul tunnal at this moment), I will sign off.

Alison is listening to: Talk Show Host by Radiohead.
Alison is eating: weightloss soup again.
Class was: Fantastic! I love 1-2A.
Alison is doing: her plans for her Nagano trip tomorrow. Monkeys in the onsen, here I come!

My Week at Random

I was trying to look pissed on purpose, but yet again, Shan beats me out for the prize. This is a picture given to me just today from Rachel Woodbrook's party. From left to right, Beth, James, Ali, Perry, and Shan.

Two things have happened since my last post--

1. A Very HAPPIE Christmas

Sunday, we had a Christmas Party for the Hakui Association for People Promoting International Exchange, and what a strange event that was. The foreigners, all Hakui people except for me, were divided so all the Japanese people could enjoy the novelty of talking to one. I mostly talked about how much I eat, and how I want to eat more. They may eat very little, but the Japanese sure do love food. I've noticed that no matter how bad their English is, they can always have a perfectly cogent conversation about lunch. There were two sketches done by the HAPPIE English classes.

One was The Algorithm March:

The whole march makes more sense at about 1:07, if ninjas ever make sense.

Owari! From left to right, Alicia, I don't know, Michiko, and David.

They also did a production of Snow White and the Dwarves. Nope, not seven. There were too many. So we were introduced to some new adjectives, like Hungry, and Stupid. I was roped in as the narrator, and I dare say, I did an excellent job.

The flash from the other camera is the fuzzy part on the picture. She made a great evil queen.

After that, we sang "Amazing Grace" (for reasons passing understanding), "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer" and "Silent Night" a la midnight mass style. I tried to keep my candle burning, but it was to no avail because it was apparently too fun for the other guests to try and blow it out.

2. Survival of The Earthquake

Yes! There was an earthquake! Mom, if you're reading this, don't freak out. I survived it with much aplomb, and my house remains standing. I woke up a minute before hand, which makes me think that I must have Earthquake Spidey sense, and then all the sudden the ground lurched foward and shook for a few seconds. By the next morning, I had sworn that it was all a dream. But when Creep-sensei asked me about it, I realized that it had in fact happened.

I have one friend who was particularly pissed that he slept through it (I'll never understand deep sleepers) because he desperately wants to feel an earthquake. Sort of a dangerous sentiment, I think, and one I was in complete agreement with until that morning. I think I should never like to feel one again.

Alison is listening to: Hairspray playing in the background of her computer.
Alison is eating: omuraisu onigiri and weightloss soup.
Class was: boring because we watched a Charlie Brown Christmas.
Alison is doing: her Christmas Lesson, and trying to figure out how much candy she can give out.

Rachel Woodbrook's Ugly Sweater and White Elephant Potluck

Rachel Woodbrook, simply put, will likely remain on my list of favorite people long after we inevitably part ways. Her fashion sense, which is best described as out of the ordinary, is only a small shadow of how truly interesting she is. She held a Christmas potluck in her small apartment, and in crowded twenty five foreigners, all talking over one another in the loud American vernacular.

The present I received was this bizarre coin purse that looks like a skinned Ewok. When I said this, I was rebuffed quite emphatically.

The theme of the presents was "only in Japan" and I should think this fits the bill. This is the present I gave:

Awesome hat, and the weirdest stuff animal ever!

Alison is listening to: Pure Genius by Tweaker. Thanks Jenn!
Alison is eating: delicious grape jellies that are designed to cut appetite.
Class was: nonexistent.
Alison is doing: her novel.

The Kids (cont)

It is necessary that I preface these next few entries. While this journal is to keep my friends and family apprised of my life so I don’t have to write essentially the same email over and over again, it is also here for posterity’s sake, and so that I remember. Therefore, if you tire of my descriptions, ignore all of the posts marked “The Kids”.

12-B

12-B is funny class that I enjoy equally as much as 12-A. I like this class better only because I do not have to teach it with Horiaka-sensei, a man’s who charitable nature and affable smiles make it hard for me to say that his English ability is only a little bit higher than my second year students.

I realize that perhaps it would be best that I not have favorites at all, but human nature and all that…

Naoyuki, who is Shota’s brother, is another one of my favorites. He loves music, and desperately wants to follow in his brother’s footsteps. I find it incredibly cute how he writes his signature like his brother, complete with a picture of a smiling face and a guitar with a few music notes thrown in for extra measure, and how animated he is when talking about his favorite bands. Currently, he loves Sum 41 (much to fake excitement), but his favorite band is Elle Garden, a Japanese band that sings much of its songs in English. He’s trying to learn English with these songs, which I consider fantastic intiative.

Next to him is Takuya, an uninterested kid due to social circumstances more than anything else. Being invisible is high on his list of priorities, so English, as indeed all other classes, are unimportant to him.

The loudest student is Kento, who is the typical student uninterested in school and only in socializing. He doesn’t like me very much, but I think it’s because I’m truly frustrating. He brings back memories of my volunteer senseis in my Japanese class, whom I avoided for that self same reason.

Next to Kento is silent Masahiro, and behind him is the one who competes for that prize, Saeki. Neither are as successful with being invisible as Takuya is. Saeki is too handsome to be easily forgotten, and Masahiro is far too awkward.

Ryota, who sits in the far corner pines for Sakura, and confesses to me that he hates Christmas because he doesn’t have a girlfriend. I find him humorous looking if only for his butch face and body accompanied by his very girlie hair and sense of style. He is fun-loving, but easily frustrated.

In the front of the class room is his love, Sakura, who ignores him with all the tact of a grown woman. She was in love with Etienne, from what I understand, and likes me far less because of it. She is very pretty and cute, and is among my best English speakers. Apparently, she went from the worst in the class to among the very best. She has people like Kyousuke, and Chie to compete with though.

Next to her is Misaki, the girl who is too cool for school, and yet is somehow even cooler by attending it. She’s decent at English, and has a low raspy voice that I wish I had. She looks very fashionable, but stands like a boy.

Also in the front is Takahiro, another favorite. He is loud, and loves to announce random translations. When I say “for example” and he shouts, “Ah! Tatoeba!” I say “however”, and he duly says, “ah! Shikashi!” He is a quick learner, but victim of practicing things he had learned incorrectly. However (shikashi!), I do think that his enthusiasm will translate into future success.

Yuusei, who sits next my boisterous Takahiro, is a bizarre case. His answer to “how are you?” is always “sleepy”. I can’t disagree with his assessment, because he is constantly looking at me through half-lidded eyes, as if there are more interesting dreams painted on the other side. He lets Takahiro do all the work, although he is equally talented.

I’m not familiar with the last four girls. Chie is sporty, and she doesn’t take shit from anyone. However (shikashi!)she is nice about it, which I like. Sakurako is incredibly vain, and is always checking her reflection in the TV screen. If only she knew how sickeningly pale she looked with all the cover up she uses. Behind them are Eri and Riho. Riho is a an anime fan, and seems rather embarrassed about it. Eri, on the other hand, is so reserved and quiet that I wonder if she walks on the air above us. She rarely talks, and has the worse pronunciation in the class.

Which reminds me... I think I shall have a pronunciation war. That should encourage them.

The students I want to come to 2-2 Oral class, as it is optional, are Kyousuke, Takahiro, Sakura, Misaki, Natsuko, Tadamichi, Yuki, Naoyuki, Ryota, Ryouta. My current 2-2 only has five students, which is nice, but I think more should be in the class

The Kids

Students, in Japan, are divided into different homerooms that have anywhere between 20 and 40 people. Togi is so small that it only has two homerooms for each year of students. I teach only 1-1 home, 1-2 home, 2-2 Oral, and 3-2 Oral. I have made a few friends in 2-1 Home and the only 15 people large 3-1 Home.

1-2 Home has the brightest personalities, all of whom I have been actively trying to tease out. The class is divided into two, so I only see one half at a time. I find this to be a godsend because they are easier to discipline in small groups, and I'm terrified to know what they are like if they have all of their friends with them.

12-A

My best student is a boy named Kyousuke, who is mentioned in a previous post as the boy who cried. He is the most studious, and he is continually coming up to me to tell me " teach me English, teach me English." It's very endearing. With him on my side, immediately all other students fall in line. I now see why teacher's in my experience were always friends with the popular kids. I never understood it, and certainly despised it, until now.

Kyousuke is a singer and guitarist, and he desperately wants a band. For this reason, and his adoration of English, he idolizes Tetsuya, my number one best student from the third years who shares the same interests. Kyousuke has bleached blond hair, which is a very big no-no, and continually wears his shirt tails outside of his pants. He tucks them in when a teacher tells him to, but then pulls them out when the teacher walks away. I always laugh when I catch him doing this, because he doesn't know whether he should tuck them back in or not. I'm relaxed about these things (I am American after all), so I don't care either way, but his indecision is always a source of mirth for me.

Next to Kyousuke is Yuki, the only student to pass the Step Eiken (National English Test of sorts). He is quiet, and terribly embarrassed most of the time, but his English is suitably good. I always think he looks funny, with his hair carefully preened, but looking overly processed. He wants the bad boy persona so badly, but is so prone to blushing that he can't achieve it. All he can do is stand unaware in the shadow of Kyousuke, hoping that people perceive him the same glorious, shining light.

Ahead of Kyousuke is another one of my favorite students: Tadamichi. He is always trying to speak English, but forgets how to connect the few words he knows into sentences. He's always excited, and is continually in a contest against Kyousuke to see who can do better. Although he's talkative, I like him because he's usually talking about something pertinent, even if it is in an attempt to be humorous.

Ayaka is the girl in this class that I really need to reach out to. She is decent at English, and therefore is lazy about it. I sense a kindred spirit in her, so I need to encourage her now before it is too late. Her apathy will stagnate her English ability, and then she will wonder why she isn't as good as the other students and then simply give up. I refuse to let this happen, but I am having trouble reaching her. Today was the tough love approach, when I made her the first person to do the presentation. When she did it completely wrong, I sent her to the end of the line and made her listen to every one else's and then do hers again. I like Ayaka, but I fear she can easily fall to the dark side.

Ryuutarou is simultaneously a glorious joy and a fantastic pain in the ass. He is loud, horrible at English, and hard to keep focused. On top of that, he is wonderfully handsome, and completely aware of it. There is no question in my mind that he has Attention Defecit Disorder. Trying to cope with that has been difficult, but I think I've begun to perfect the method. All one needs to do is chide him, but not in a way that embarrasses him. Being offhand in one's commands is the best way to deal with him because they seem more innocuous and aren't a direct challenge to his "badass-ness". Etienne tells me that is what Ryuutarou wants to be, and I don't doubt it. His best friend is Kyousuke, which is another reason I love having Kyousuke on my side. It makes Ryuutarou have to continually re-evaluate his participation in class.

On the left is Takeshi, a bizarre Picasso of boyish and girlish characteristics. He has a square face, but wide almond eyes with long lashes. His nose is a big strong nose, but his lips are plump and pink. He also has a bad case of acne, which he tries to cover up with concealer. No one seems to notice, and he is liked well enough. I like him, naturally, because he is respectful, and makes attempts to learn. With a little push, I could make him as good as Kyousuke. Unfortunately, he is unbelievably uncompetitive, so I would never be able to use him to spark the desire to win against him in any of the other students.

The others in class are of little consequence because they make themselves that way. Ryouta is very good at English, but is horribly shy. Kenta, who has to sit next to Ryuutarou and therefore has to be his partner, is so shy that he fears listening to English will embarrass him, so he shuts down immediately. I've been drawing him out more and more lately by asking him questions I know he can answer. Takahiro is reasonably good, despite the incident where he decided to take off his shirt in the middle of class, but he and Yuta prefer to sit back and let the class pass them by. Yoshihiko is so shy and butch it's adorable. His speaking is not very good, but he understands well. I wish I knew more about him. The girls are impossible to bring out in this class. Miku rides on Ayaka's efforts (which are called so only charitably) and Akina and Misaki are clueless. They are outcasts, so I feel that is the reason behind their awkwardness in class. Natsuko and Rina are also very good at English, but prefer to be like Takahiro and Yuta.

That is the class I just taught. It was difficult because I had to do it myself, but they don't seem to mind me repeating the English many times, or my muddling through bad Japanese translations of what I wish to say.

Listening to: Creep-sensei bother the other teachers. I am therefore seriously considering putting some Scissor Sister's on.
Eating: nothing! It's not lunchtime yet!
Class was: good, so far... but who knows how the next two will be!
Doing: this blog entry clearly.